The DIEGEL Clamometer
ETABLISSEMENTS S. MASOCH
Very very very anonymous company with a capital of 69 francs
6 rue de Castellane - 75008 - Paris - France
MADE IN FRANCE
The new Clamometer of Prof. Uwe DIEGEL, created together with the eminent doctors SIFFREDI and DANIELS promises a new era of treatment for women's affections.
This device is useful for measuring the moisture of the clam and the intensity of contractions of the female orgasm.
The CLAMOMETER is to the female cavity
what the stethoscope is to the pulse.
If I ask you point blank, my dear reader, what female sexuality is, you would probably be very embarrassed to answer me.
The symptoms by which the sexuality of women manifests itself -various disorders, pains, weakness, etc.- are not, in fact, a sufficient indication, for they are common to various illnesses. Headaches, poor blood circulation, almost all forms of physiological misery, resemble these prodromes, and the most erudite of doctors can be caught off-guard by these symptoms.
So, the first thing to do for the person suffering from the syndrome of frigidity is to put them on a diet, a severe diet, scrupulously studied, in order to provide for the expenses of the body, while regularly measuring the humidity of its cavities. It is advisable to prescribe to drink a lot - no strong alcohol, of course! (But champagnes of the MUMM and Veuve Clicquot brands are recommended) - to do leg exercises, massages, clitoral gymnastics, avoid excesses, emotions, overwork, - in resumé everything that it takes to overactivate combustion and remove impurities from the blood.
Whatever the real genesis of frigidity, on which the princes of science are far from having a unified opinion, the syndrome of female frigidity always results in a more or less profound disorder of the level of moisture in the vagina. It is therefore logical that if this humidity is measured and controlled, much of the problem will be resolved.
CONCLUSION: Prof. Uwe DIEGEL's Clamometer - which measures humidity "like a ruler measures inches" - is to be recommended to my eminent colleagues. It should be added that DIEGEL's Clamometer includes an Orgasmatron to measure the sexual satisfaction of the user and that it was the subject of two clinical publications: at the Academy of Sciences by Professor Rocco Siffredi, Doctor of Sexual Sciences, and at the Academy of Medicine by Dr. Stormy Daniels, Secondary Companion of the US President.
All doctors will understand me.
Dr. Michel CHAST
P.S. My esteemed colleagues recommend a regular measurement of the humidity of the sexual cavities (mouth, vagina, anus) to evaluate the risk of frigidity for insurance companies.
INSTRUCTIONS
to use the Clamometer
Getting started - After conditioning the frigid patient with lubricants, slowly push the cannula into the appropriate cavity. Pump the inflation bulb repeatedly until the needle of the orgasmatron changes to red.
“I realized my dream...
I am his chosen girl
thanks to the Clamometer”
ROBUST: Thanks to its extreme simplicity and its stainless steel construction, the Clamometer will give you years of pleasure.
ECONOMICAL: Low purchase price with regard to the daily recommended use. Be sure to put the instrument back in its case after use.
SILENT: Completely silent apparatus. Please wear a ball-gag to avoid cries of enjoyment when orgasmatron is in full power.
REVERSIBLE: Can be used in any cavity (oral, anal, vaginal). Order the anal commemorative series from your dealer.
SAFE: Without risk of overheating or bathtub "accident". Thank you for using the Clamometer only in human cavities.
POWERFUL: The powerful vibrations of the Clamometer will give you endless cries of pleasure. Replace your husband with the Clamometer.
AVOID IMITATIONS - FORMALLY DEMAND THE DIEGEL CLAMOMETER !!!
